you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
