I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
