Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A bitchslap is in order.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
