i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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