So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
why do cheetos always look like penises
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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