They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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