I just threw up on my dentist
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Couch. On fire.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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