I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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