I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize