Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
