Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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