so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
