This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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