A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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