we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
