thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
