You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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