Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
