I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
