I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
