i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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