Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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