why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
