i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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