he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
