it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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