I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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