whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
