The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
