is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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