I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
