your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
