Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
