Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
