Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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