My room smells like vodka and shame
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
