Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
