just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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