cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
