you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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