Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Mom said you looked used
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
