There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
