I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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