it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
