We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
