don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
