I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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