I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
