If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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