Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
