Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
