Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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