Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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