Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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