I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
