When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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