i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
