I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
