when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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