Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
