I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
