it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
