my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
