My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
